~~a haiku~~
skin’s the worst it’s been
i’m tempted to hide at home
thank god for my feed
—
And for a serendipitous read!
This morning, my algo served me a ‘stack from
about how addiction—whether to tech, alcohol, chocolate, etc.—is solved by connection:
And I realized… There’s not much I can do about my ugly ass skin right now. And what I can do, might not be worth it.
I could isolate myself with my own misery. Or, I could keep living. Surrounded by my friends and chi1 community. Sure, they might think I look funky, but they’re still probably happy to have me. And even more likely? They don’t give a single crap about me and my skin.
Working at home in the AC with pimple patches on might clear me up in time for Friday’s Hinge date. But emotionally? I’d be doomed. So I’ll hang outside in the 80+ degree heat—sweaty, oily, pores clogging more and more by the minute. But I’ll let the love seep through too.
Ahah.
Because to remove connection would be much worse.
I start my second course of Accutane today. After months of waiting because the government don’t want no Accutane babies. Even so, I know that things don’t start clearing up until month two. I’ve still got a long, pimply row to hoe.
I credit the first round of Accutane as my most life-changing decision. My confidence sky rocketed. I no longer had to live life with my skin at the center.
For those who haven’t struggled with acne, it’s like disordered eating, where your entire world—every thought, every decision, every bite is plagued by a tinge of, “i look bad,” and, “is this gonna make me look worse?”
For those who have yet to experience acne OR disordered eating, first of all, f*ck you.
Second of all, I’m sure you have some struggle with which you can relate—
ew.
Now I’m getting a little too close to Will Schuester for my liking… It’s givingggg
Whatever your snowflake struggle is. It’s probably much more difficult than acne.
Anyways.
You get the gist.
Acne was mine. And I’m in the trenches again. And it sucks. But at least I know it’s temporary. I’ll get through it in six short months with a little help from my friend isotret.
But what if you have no control over your biggest opp2?
I guess you can still connect right? Join a Glee club? Build yourself a Rat Park3?
Sorry, I don’t have the answers for ya. I only have my answer, which is to keep on keepin’ on. That is, doing the things that fill me up. Spending time with my people. Working towards my goals. And taking up space in the places I like.
xx Audrey
i’m in the process of rebranding Chicago, be patient you guys
opp = opponent/opposition
in reference to the aforementioned stack that inspired this post
Delayed zeitgeist? Lena Waite already on it with “The Chi” for Showtime
Bonus: the “the” reference (“the Jewel”)