thrift serendipity, soulmates, and infinite playlists
this one goes out to all my girlypop Pavlov dogs-- aka my thrift b*tches!
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I don’t believe in soulmates— in the sense that there’s one perfect person for us. I think we have many.
My best friend is one of them. My exes are too, in their own way. So is that random person I met at the coffee shop, learned a valuable lesson from, and will never talk to again.
I don’t believe in fate either— in the sense that life is deterministic and choice is futile. But I do believe that what’s meant to be will be. I believe in serendipity.
That’s why I love thrifting.
Today’s Agenda
thrifting your soulmate
right place, right time, right story
a brief review of Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
putting all the pieces together
relevant resources, ft. my own (finite) playlist
thrift serendipity & soulmates
I’d like to say I thrift because it’s eco-friendly. That’s true, but the real reason is less admirable. It’s human nature. I’m a sucker for a variable ratio reinforcement schedule1. I am a girlypop Pavlov dog— thrift shopping’s bitch, if you will.
I love the minuscule chance of happening upon any particular piece. Or, of buying an item you’re unsure of, but over time, fall in love with.
I love how the thrift is the opposite of a wishlist. I never know when and where I’ll find my next gem, what it will look like, how it will fit, or what its story will be.
I never would have thought to plug in “pink American Apparel ‘i’m desperate’ graphic ringer tee” or “Urban Outfitters gingham sardine picnic dress size small” on every resale site.
Similarly, my favorite genre is serendipity.
When people ask me what kind of books I like, I refer them to the “Teen Movie English Class Phenomenon”— AKA, the trope where the main character reads a book for school that reflects their own trials and tribulations.
I like discovering the right book at the right time. Same goes for movies. I want media that mirrors where I’m at in life. Not only is it absorbing, but it’s like free therapy. I learn lessons that help me through whatever struggle I’m currently facing.
~~**~~
But let me let you in on a secret… You can cultivate serendipity.
Though miracles, my thrift finds and relevant reads are not immaculately conceived. They’re born out of consistency.
If you sift through enough clovers, you’ll unearth a four-leafer. If you chase enough leads, you’ll get your story. And if you hit enough thrifts, you’ll find a piece you love.
You have agency in the clothing you come across, the media you consume, and the people you meet.
For example, you can also:
ask GPT for book recs based on your latest lore,
stop forcing yourself through reads that don’t call to you,
and expose yourself to new shit.
Serendipity is a skill that can be honed. You can practice recognizing opportunity when it presents, and approaching uncertainty with strength. Lucky people are lucky because they believe they are.
For example, in Harry Potter, Ron wins a Quidditch game because he thinks Harry has given him felix felicis (a liquid luck potion):
~~**~~
a brief review of Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
My most recent serendipitous read was Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan (henceforth referred to as N²).
N² may be an easy read, but it’s not your average fluff romance novel.
On first approach it’s vulgar, a little woman-hating, and musically pretentious. But critics of this miss the point— the main characters are teenagers. Obviously they’re dumb and hormonal and cuss way too much to cover up for the fact that they’re totally lost and insecure.
You really think the “straight-edge”, underground punk music-obsessed 18-year olds are gonna be down to earth?
I won’t claim that Nick and Norah are likable, but they are relatable. The book’s dual-perspective format, literally written by two different authors, makes Nick and Norah feel like actual people instead of flaccid Y/N2 mains.
The flip-flopping POV also demonstrates how our perception shapes the narratives we construct. And thus, how two people can interpret the same events differently.
Over a single night, N² reminds us that understanding and connection take time—Processing events and emotions and relationships takes time. Especially for young people. Just because someone doesn’t respond perfectly in the moment, doesn’t mean things won’t work out.
Not to beat a dead Bell Hooks-ridden horse3, but the current meta is obsessed with the individual and a very specific idea of what love looks like. Social media has exacerbated this narrative. TikToks evaluate your relationship as though there’s a universal checklist against which you can measure human beings—
“Women want a man in finance, 6’5”, blue eyes”
“If he wanted to he would”
“Guys don’t marry the woman they love. They marry whoever’s there at the right time”
“Stop doing girlfriend duties without the label” / “Don’t act like her boyfriend when you’re not getting any of the perks”— I’m sorry, do you mean literally just being a good person and a good friend??!
And “self-care” this, “self-sufficiency” that— self self self, we are so goddamn focused on ourselves!4
We need to be independent, having dropped off all baggage before departing on the relationship train to destination love.
And yeah, I agree, another person is not your answer.
But that doesn’t mean you need to be this perfect, unblemished, virginal, human being in order to have healthy relationships. In reality, other people are our greatest influences, motivators, and sources of strength.
Sure, Nick is far from over his ex at our story’s outset. And Norah is rightfully concerned. But by the end, we see that previous heartbreak doesn’t detract from the next, even greater love— in fact, it’s a necessary part of the love story— central to Nick and Norah’s serendipitous meet cute and their momentum.
At its core, N² is a reassuring take on relationships.
Just like the perfect thrift find, you never know when and where love might be found. Or what it will look like. You could be “frigid” in your previous years-long relationship, and not that way at all with someone else. Or a guy might be “hung up on his ex,” but he gives you his jacket when you’re cold, and he never let his ex wear that jacket! Every dynamic is different and that’s what keeps life interesting.
~~**~~
Rapid fire thoughts? I also enjoyed the 2000’s aura, the fast pace, the rumination on sexuality, the Judaism, and the Beatles motif—
“You know what it’s all about, Nick?”
“What what’s all about?”
“It, Nick. What it’s all about.”
“No.”
“The Beatles”
“What about The Beatles?”
“They nailed it.”
“Nailed what?”
“Everything…”
"What do you mean?”
“…That’s what everyone wants... They wanna hold your hand.”
I’ve been saying this. Literally. Here’s a text I sent a few months ago—
No Beatles lyric escapes me, so I ofc5 noticed this bookending reference:
“She presses close—is just staring at me—and even though I don’t know what the question is, I know the answer. So I say ‘This,’ and I lean in and I kiss her right there on the edge of Times Square, the way people kiss good-bye on the street, only this is more like a hello.”
And another, sprinkled into the whole Judaism bit that I enjoyed so much:
Norah: “Tikkun olam… Basically, it says that the world has been broken into pieces. All this chaos, all this discord. And our job - everyone’s job - is to try to put the pieces back together. To make things whole again.”
…
Nick: “Maybe it isn’t that we’re supposed to find the pieces and put them back together. Maybe we’re the pieces. Maybe, what we’re supposed to do is come together. That’s how we stop the breaking.”
~~**~~
putting all the pieces together
Although you can be consistent, you can’t force thrift success. To attempt to guarantee serendipity is antithetical.
I used to try. A good thrift was synonymous with a good haul. I’d justify pieces I wasn’t in love with or that didn’t fit quite right just to buy something— to have anything to cling onto in this wild world.
Now, I’m okay coming up empty-handed. Why rush? I know my own power when stripped down to just the bare essentials (e.g., a white tee, jeans, and sneaks). If I’m gonna add to my motley clothing crew, it’s gotta be somethin’ special.
I’m no longer in search of my missing piece (or peace).
Some might say that soulmates are those who stay. Connection abounds. Endurance is rare. That’s fair— I can’t imagine ever donating my picnic dress or losing my bestie. Given my sugary diet, she’ll definitely outlive me.
However, living implies uncertainty.
Over time, I’ve lost pieces I’d deemed soulmates. Some, torn through. Others, outgrown. And many misplaced.
You can work towards a particular outcome, but you can never ensure it. And even if you get there, it probably won’t look exactly how you thought it would. You can keep your eye out for a specific thrift find, but what you end up buying and wearing on repeat might be quite different.
I crave answers. Yet, the best part of a story isn’t the happily ever after— it’s the journey to get there6. Soulmates, like Nick and Norah’s playlist, are defined by the possibility held in every single moment. Because in the moment, you’re not just a story. You’re alive. And you are infinite.
Relevant Resources
Music:
My own playlists have always felt impractical. I fill them with songs whose lyrics pop into my head given my current fixation, with no regard for musical unity. I am NOT the person you ask to DJ. I suck at curating vibes.
But maybe, my playlists are more like Nick and Norah’s titular, but never explicitly defined, infinite playlist— unless you count the movie soundtrack. They tell a story.
Stories:
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn & David Levithan (duh) / Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008)
The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein (if ur reading this, ily Maryann 😘)
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky / The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)
In Five Years by Rebecca Serle
The People We Keep by Allison Larkin
The Map of Tiny Perfect Things (2021)
La La Land (2016)
Definitely, Maybe (2008)
Serendipity (2001)
Sliding Doors (1998)
P.S. And for you, my friend— don’t lose faith in love. Life is full of little wonders, but it’s not just right place, right time. The magic ingredient in serendipity is you.
P.P.S. Everything is the Beatles, but everything is also Harry Potter.
The variable ratio reinforcement schedule is generally considered the most effective for creating behaviors that are resistant to extinction. This schedule involves delivering reinforcement after an unpredictable number of responses, making it difficult for individuals to predict when the next reinforcement will occur. This unpredictability leads to a high and sustained rate of responding, even after reinforcement is stopped.
Y/N = shorthand for “your name” often used in fanfic self-insert stories.
Not intended to insult Dr. Hooks. I simply find my own self-help imagery funny.
Or maybe that’s just me being a stereotypical only child…
ofc = of course
In truth, I’m still working on this. My words are idealistic. I struggle with patience, being present, and enjoying the journey vs. wanting resolution. Much of what I write, I don’t yet live. But change has to come from somewhere, and your internal (or external) monologue is a great place to start.