what your fav iconic girl-blogger says about you

for the astrology divas, personality quiz-lovers, and girl-bloggers

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Substack is brimming with main character energy. And understandably so. To narrate your world is to elect yourself its default representative. Writing presumes self-importance. Even if unintentional, history is won by those who write it.

Coincidentally (or not?), my childhood role models often girl-blogged, or pre-internet, girl-diarized.

Despite my fondness, these girl-bloggers carry a fraught reputation. How many of them are “typical only children”? Insufferable jr. narcissists? Or canonically bat sh*t crazy? And of course, they’re always the main character— Charlotte York was not girl-blogging.

Does blogging magnetize the self-interested? Maybe, but a good main character is also vivid, intriguing, and good at telling a story.

Iconic girl-bloggers may share an archetype, but those same shared qualities only spur their self-identification as special snowflakes. Thus, I’ve created a horoscopic guide to how your favorite girl-blogger distinguishes you!

but first, an alignment chart— a simple yet comprehensive personality measure!

A brief disclaimer:

This girl-blogger list* comes with an asterisk since diary and blog are distinct. Blogs address an audience whereas diaries are usually private. However, this line blurs when a diary goes public or when it’s the window into a world. I’d also posit a correlation between journaling and blogging. Therefore, I include both girl-bloggers and girl- diarists.

I could also venture into “girl writer” territory, but I think over-expansion loses the plot.

If your favorite iconic girl blogger is…

Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)

You’re a city gal through and through. The suburbs genuinely scare you.

You love jaywalking and a “bargain”— if you can call $40,000 worth of Manolos a bargain.

You’ve got a unique sense of style and stand out from the crowd, though you sometimes wish you didn’t.

You probably have a screen time limit on your phone (that you ignore) along with a monthly 3-purchase max (that you also ignore).

Some advice? Try being more honest with yourself.

Bridget Jones (Bridget Jones’s Diary)

You wear your heart, kidney, and intestines on your sleeve.

You’re clumsy and awkward but in the most charming way. Undone is 100% one of your three style words.

You’re unable to be anyone but yourself, which unfortunately comes with foot-in-mouth-itis.

No one would be surprised to hear that you accidentally joined a cult, or mistakenly sent someone a screenshot of themself, instead of the intended recipient.

P.S. You have a soft spot for comfy underwear.

Harriet M. Welsh (Harriet the Spy)

You’re incurably nosy curious, with a penchant for eavesdropping.

You give off major only child vibes— you’re independent and often get along better with people older than you.

You can come off as mean, but you have the best of intentions. You’re a marshmallow at heart and would ride or die for your besties.

You love a good mystery, which gets you into trouble. Your constant criticism of the world around you takes this knack for trouble and doubles it.

Some advice? Honesty isn’t always the best policy. Sometimes you should really just keep your mouth shut!

Naomi McDuffie (Naomi)

You’re that friend that tries to bring people from all different social circles together. And it’s kinda awkward, but you make it work.

Your real superhero origin story? 1D fanfic writer in 2012.

Literally everyone has a crush on you and you couldn’t care less.

As an adult, you probably suffer from former gifted kid syndrome.

Amy Dunne (Gone Girl)

You’re a planner, type A, perfectionist.

You have a deep sense of justice and strong moral compass, which doesn’t always align with the rest of the world’s sense of right and wrong.

You love a good puzzle— you just wish others were smart enough to solve it too. People have a hard time keeping up with you and that frustrates you. Combined with the fact that no one seems to know and appreciate the real you, is a recipe for some serious repressed anger.

Oh, and you love a good personality quiz.

Anne Frank

You’re over 50 and Jewish. JK, you’re wise beyond your years and inspirationally resilient. You probably had to grow up fast and low key resent it.

OR

You just read The Diary of Anne Frank for your high school English class, and like Angela Chase from My So Called Life, you envy how Anne got to spend three years locked in an attic with her crush *sighs with teenage ennui*. /s

Gossip Girl (Gossip Girl

vant, and appreciate the finer things in life.

Forget Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, because all you need in life is social status. However, behind the sass and desperate efforts to join the IN crowd, you’re a nerd at heart.

You were also definitely part of an incestuous friend group at some point. In fact, you’ve dated everyone and their mother, brother, and secret love child step sibling twice removed.

But who are you really? The people around you often wonder, feeling like they don’t know the person behind your words.

Carly Shay (iCarly)

You’re a silly goose. You don’t take things too seriously and priority #1 is having a good time.

You’re effortlessly funny and can get along with literally anyone.

Your parents definitely let you watch SpongeBob growing up.

You’re on Substack but your favorite medium of yap is probably Youtube or TikTok.

P.S. Your guy best friend is in love with you

Jamie Kelly (Dear Dumb Diary)

Piece of work Complex is your middle name: You’re a dreamer who often lets her imagination run a bit too wild. You’re a tomboy, but still proudly love arts, crafts, and glitter.

You might be crazy, but your bestie is even crazier (and you love her all the more for it).

You’re hilariously sarcastic, but be careful as this can sometimes veer into mean and jealous territory.

You definitely had a “I’m not like other girls phase”. Hopefully, you’ve matured since.

Jenna Hamilton (Awkward)

Your parents might have expectations for you that don’t quite line up with who you really are, which can make family life difficult. It doesn’t help that your mom is 10x hotter than you.

Despite being a bit of a loner, people love to scoop you up under their wing. Be careful though, you often give undeserving people too many chances.

XOXO

So who are you?

Were any of these ladies also your childhood (or adulthood) inspo?

Did I miss your fav? Let me know :)

xx Audrey