How to Be a 365 Party Girl AND Wellness Queen (and dress like it)

the physics of Sisyphus, how to actually enjoy exercise, & a fashion x nerd collab

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This started as a post about “my disgustingly healthy era”. The second draft was about exiting my disgustingly healthy era. And by the third draft, I realized neither previous iteration actually captured my feelings in gestalt. Each time I read my words back, I felt their exaggerated pendulum-like swing.

me

Thus, the heart of my dilemma revealed itself: How do you live a life that’s both healthy AND sparkly? peaceful AND vibrant? safe AND surprising?

Part 1: energy is neither created nor destroyed, only transferred or transformed

At the highest point of its swing, a pendulum has maximum potential energy and minimum kinetic energy / the first draft:

“My life feels almost disgustingly healthy. I get 8-10 hours of sleep a night. I drink but don’t get drunk. I have a steady job. I haven’t cried in god knows how long. My screen time is at an all time low. Last week, I even took a bath.”

Potential energy is then converted into kinetic energy.

At the lowest point of its swing, the pendulum has maximum kinetic energy and minimum potential energy / the second draft:

“Well, my sleep problems are back and I’m shedding this era of utter wellness. I’m fudging my bedtime and snoozing my alarm. I’m going clubbing, booking spontaneous trips, and RSVPing yes to every social event.”

Self-care guru last week. Club rat this week. I’m both and I’m neither. The balance shifts as quickly and repeatedly as our climate changed seasons and TikTok’s ban status.

And maybe I’m behind the curve. Wellness has dominated the lifestyle zeitgeist for over a decade now, with countermovements already vying for attention.

One of the first posts I ever read on Substack argued that we bed rot too much and socialize too little. We glorify being alone when in reality, we gain the most from others.

This fit snugly within brat summer, a movement synonymous with partying and mess rather than face masks and early bedtimes. Other related sentiments include:

“I protected my peace too hard…”

“loneliness epidemic”

“death of third spaces”

etc.

But combating the crises that wellness culture creates is not so easy. At least for me.

Part 2: friction

Because energy is neither created nor destroyed, in a frictionless system, the energy of my pendulum swing would remain constant. Unfortunately, this system has friction.

Maybe it’s my insomnia, which prohibits a quick flip of the switch from late night party girl to 9-5 worker bee. Maybe it’s my tendency towards an all-or-nothing mindset or my instinctual draw towards safety and routine. Maybe it’s the Prozac, because sometimes I really do feel straight out of The Giver, feelings dampened for the sake of peace.

Constantly seeking the benefits of both lifestyles is often costly and exhausting.

Tired of the physics metaphors? Let’s bring in something more familiar for the lit girlies: Cue Sisyphus and his never-ending struggle.

I chose this pic cuz he look skinny fat like me here

The boulder in stasis at the bottom of the hill a peaceful, healthy life, repeatedly pushed to the more precarious highs of a ~sparkly~ life, before everything falls apart again and he’s back exactly he started.

But let’s not be cynical. Given the right mindset, supposed “failure” is simply a learning experience. Blah blah I’m Sisyphus and I learn from each tumble. I shift my strategy ever so slightly on each attempt. I get stronger each time I nearly get that boulder up the hill.

So speaking of getting buffed, after approximately attempt #105, here’s how I’m climbing up the hill right now…

Part 3: external forces

Newton’s second law states that in order to generate movement (acceleration), you must apply an external force. I.e., F = MA.

External Force #1: joining a gym (ew 🤢)

I didn’t intend to join a gym in the new year. First of all, I don’t believe in new year’s resolutions— I make and break those all year long baby. Secondly, I’m a well-known workout hater.

Yet here we are, 14+ days into a trial membership at Movement Climbing, Yoga, and Fitness. And I’m a convert. Per usual, my mom was right— climbing IS fun for a puzzle-loving, lanky, anti-muscular nerd. Look out SF tech bros, the fashion girlies are coming for your fav hobby!

I can’t promise my commitment to the gym will stick. Maybe I’ll end up like the other 99% of January new members, or like the ghosts of this post’s drafts.

But here’s why I think it could last…

1. a gym as a third place

My gym has immaculate vibes. Amidst the extinction of third places, it feels like a refuge. The employees and other gym-goers are welcoming but not overbearing. The building’s got big windows with lots of natural light, as well as free wifi and little tables where I can blog pre-yoga or post-climb. They’re lucky they don’t have coffee otherwise I think I’d move in. And you know they’re for the girlies because they bump Chappell Roan and have extra ponytail holders should you forget one. Isn’t that just the sweetest thing?

Movement Gym, probably

2. if the niche fits

I’ve run the gamut of exercises over the years. I’ve tried running, lifting, pilates, judo, wrestling, swimming, volleyball— you get the idea. I found them all utterly boring, painful, and/or insulting to my self-esteem.

Climbing is different because it caters to my interests and abilities. I have good balance and flexibility which is essential. I love that just being strong doesn’t get you very far. There’s also so much freedom in climbing— no reps or sets to irk my rule-hating, short attention span self.

Hatha yoga with my boy Aseem has also been wonderful. I love how he focuses on the minutiae of what your body should feel rather than quickly flowing through a bunch of poses before you can even figure out what those poses are supposed to be.

3. it’s not that expensive

The $100/month hurts my cheapskate soul. But it hurts less than the $300/month at say, an Equinox. TLDR; you don’t need the sexiest gym, you need a space that fits your niche.

I also realize this is a privileged POV. I’m lucky to be in a position where I can shell out for a gym membership, and that there’s even a reasonably priced gym near me. Ideally, people would not have to pay for access to third spaces, movement, and community. Yet here we are…

4. no numbers

Climbing and yoga feel less prone to toxicity than other forms of movement. The lack of numbers is refreshing.

Climbing goals and accomplishments are more subjective than how heavy you can lift, the lbs on a scale, or what pace you can run a 5K. Sure there are grades (difficulty levels), but like, I can do slab V2s and not even a V-intro overhang. Yoga can be similarly self-guided and ambiguous in its returns.

100% would recommend for other obsessives and dangerously goal-oriented folk.

Part 4: the fashion impact

Of course, this wouldn’t be chiclets if I didn’t relentlessly beat you over the head with how everything ties back to fashion.

And physics, since the impact of the external gym force necessitates a change to my fashion acceleration.

Dressing how you are

Lately, I’ve seen discourse about how “aesthetics” or “cores” are a relatively new concept. For example, you didn’t used to dress “preppy” you WERE “prep”. Drew Joiner talked about this in his recent video, referencing the ever iconic Ralph Lauren:

“… They live what they are. I was selling what I was and what I believed in. My clothes were part of the dream. My clothes were part of the world. You can’t separate clothing in my world. You can’t set the environment away from what you’re wearing.”

- R.L.

Similarly, grandpas wear eclectic knits because they haven’t bought a new one since 1985. Equestrians wear riding boots because they are literally on a farm, riding horses.

We can dress out of aspiration all we want, putting on “quiet luxury”, “coastal granddaughter”, or “office siren” facades. But eventually, “dressing for the life you have, not the life you want” discourse knocks on your door like an immaculately clothed grim reaper.

Art imitates life. Personal style is inextricably linked to our interests and circumstances. Fashion is a constant push-and-pull between aspiration, fantasy, and real life constraints.

Me-core

also me - pc: Addison Rae

Personally, my 2024 style evolution was defined by a focus on quality basics, comfort, and understatement— which makes sense in the era of quiet luxury, but also given said “disgustingly healthy era”.

And now that I’ve joined a gym, I’m dressing the part too. My style this month consists of packing the perfect gym bag and constructing chic athleisure fits— as far as chic and athleisure can coexist.

Furthermore, outside interests expand and grow personal style. You’ve probably seen this speck of advice floating around Substack:

“If you want to improve your personal style consume everything except fashion content”

And I get it, because how can you find your personal style when you don’t even know who you are or anything about the world you live in?

Athleisure is only lazy if you let it be

I love embracing the effects of my interests on my style. And conversely, I love injecting myself into generic uniforms. The gym-wear is now a part of me, and I am a part of it.

During my pilates/lifting phase of 2023, I talked about personalizing your athleisure to keep it from feeling boring.¹

Almost two years later, I’m taking my own advice. Since my style has evolved since 2023, so has my take on athleisure. This time it leans into the chic minimalism I sought in 2024, jeujed up by unique silhouettes and statement accessories.

For example:

• An open back workout top, which totally satisfies my “flirty” style word.

• A barrel leg to elevate the typical sweat silhouette.

• Summer 2024’s jelly shoes as shower shoes. Ok this one’s mostly because I don’t own flip flops, but I’m here for the low-key Olsen homage.

• A dainty ribbon to adorn your ponytail for some insta-femme.

• A black-and-white color scheme to subvert the usual colorful athleisure and rainbow bouldering wall holds.

^^all inspo credits to

Gabby Whiten

from

oh eight

who creates amazing magazine spread x Wiki page collages every week that you really need to check out ASAP!

Instead of work, treat working out as an aesthetic

Are you also a fashion girly who hates working out? Or maybe just an attention whore with main character syndrome? Try viewing the gym through a performative lens.

Despite shading aspirational “cores” earlier, I’m actually a huge proponent of “dress for the job you want, not the job you have” mentality. Fashion can be as motivational and affirming as it can be reflective of your current life and interests.

As a fashion-lover, I see the gym as an opportunity for me to play dress up. I get to pick out the perfect subtle gym-friendly perfume, curate a cutie gym bag, and then pack it full of divalicious athlete tools.

So put on your sporty spice disguise and strut on over to the gym with good posture (you do yoga now) and wired earbuds (to keep you grounded since you climb).

be like it girl Addie and treat a gym day like a pap photo shoot opportunity

External Force #2: a $70 Spirit flight to NYC

The other force keeping my boulder in balance with wellness’s gravitational pull right now is rash decision making— which incentivizes spontaneity, fun, and turning outwards.

Thus, I booked a spontaneous trip to visit my NYC bestie for her birthday. Said $70 roundtrip flight will likely come with:

• anxiety + a late night arrival induced by an ambiguous flight delay

• greasy hair and sweaty clothes because you only get one personal item. AKA no dry shampoo and only one pair of pants.

• sleep deprivation and/or a hangover

• a cold and/or tummy ache

Who ever said flying Spirit has no perks?!

This of course, is all misdirection. The way I’ve set the scene omits that spark that sets your soul alight in a way you can’t achieve when you focus solely on “wellness”.

And you don’t have to fly Spirit. You could also make any sort of reasonable, sparkle-inducing commitment. For example, make going out plans but do it three weeks in advance. Or get drinks on a weeknight then take 2 vitamins, eat some leftovers, and chug water before going to sleep.

Conclusion: you can’t free body diagram your way to the meaning of life

i think i’m really funny

So how do you live your best 365 party girl brat life while also staying mentally and physically sane? I guess the point of this post is that I don’t know— it’s a question I’m on a continuous journey of answering.

I may have joined a gym and had a blast in NYC, but I still don’t know the ideal ratio of going out to relaxing with a good book.

All I know is that you should take self-care culture, loneliness epidemic, and introvert praise discourse with a grain of salt.

Bed rotting isn’t inherently bad. Despite its name.

Neither is being a club rat. Despite its name.

Life’s a never-ending endeavor for balance in a world of external forces that constantly shift us out of equilibrium.

P.S. but you can try!

You know what else they teach you in physics? It’s all about your frame of reference. You can’t even start solving a problem until you establish this.

For example, let’s say you’re on a moving train and throw a ball up into the air. This is the path of the ball as seen by an observer on the train (left) and the path as seen by an observer at the train station (right):

In IRL lingo, that just means that a problem shifts depending on how you view it.

So here are some platforms I use to steady my frame of reference when approaching the problem of life:

1. If you’re going to “waste” money on anything, let it be your health— i.e., movement you enjoy and food that fuels you.

I penny pinch with everything except food. I’ll order takeout because I know I won’t cook anything remotely healthy for myself. I never order delivery though. Please— who do you think I am?

Saving for retirement is great until you can’t move at 65 because your neglected muscles have deteriorated and you never discovered any hobbies to do during retirement anyways.

me again - pc: @wireditgirls

2. Ditch “workouts” because who wants to do work that no one’s paying you for?

Movement only sticks if you actively enjoy it, so find one that’s fun and do it in a space with good vibes.

In my last post, I talked about reframing your “low-buy” to be more effective. I advocate the same approach for exercise— frame it in a way that works for you. E.g., focus on dressing the part and vibe curation. It’s not fake if it works. It’s not just an aesthetic if you live it.

3. “Not my circus not my monkeys”

I live by this shit. You can’t control the universe/other people/etc. You can only do the best with the hand you’re dealt as the cards hit the table.

Repeat this mantra to yourself to channel good moods and decision-making, and to better equip yourself for balancing brat with self-care.

Even in physics we often ignore extraneous real world forces in order to just solve the damn problem as best possible.

4. Figure out your priorities

Because you can’t actually have everything. But it’s ok, because you don’t really want everything anyways.

For example, note that “how to be a boss bitch CEO” is not included in this post.

5. Watch inspirational media

For example, the revolving door of chaos in the Sex Lives of College Girls really brings me back to my youth (LOL).

And of course Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the OG “can a girl have it all?” representation.

copied straight from my about page

So are you really doomed to be swung into a pendulum-like cycle forever? Or is it that just your frame of reference?

xx your restless, muscle mommy, AP Physics god² Audrey

Not ready for the fun to end? Have another bite 🍬👄

1. literally my first blog post ever so don’t judge lol

2. any misinterpretations of the laws of physics here are purely intentional artistic choices that I made— and definitely not a result of the 6 year gap since I last took a physics class.